"Do I just sit and wait to see if marriage will come along for me? Or is there some way I can be pursuing it, while at the same time letting God lead?"
I've had some form of this question in my inbox many times, and I'm guessing it has crossed your mind a time or two as well. What is your role in your desire for marriage? Is it wrong to actively look for and pursue it? How does one even go about pursuing it?
We know from scripture that marriage is good and "honorable in all." (Hebrews 13:4) We also know that we are free to pursue the things that God calls good, as long as we ultimately desire his will for us above our own. Unless God has specifically laid it on your heart to not pursue marriage or to not get married, then you are allowed to seek it. You have the freedom to pursue marriage intentionally and see if it's something God allows to happen in your life.
Unfortunately, I know of many single women who wanted nothing more in life than to get married and have children, yet they did nothing to pursue marriage. They did not put themselves around good men. They didn't ask friends or family to keep an eye out for them or pray with them for a spouse. They didn't put continuous effort into their appearance and conversation skills to improve their ability to attract a man. They didn't educate themselves about dating, attraction, or about how men think. Instead they waited rather stagnantly for God to drop someone in their lap, or they chased so hard after other things (career, ministry pursuits) that they left no time or energy to put toward praying for and becoming available for a spouse. And now, many of these women have reached an age where all the good men seem to be already married. These ladies didn't do the things they could have done to make themselves better prospects for marriage, and now their chances of finding someone are much more dim.
Sister, if you desire marriage, you should pursue that good desire by taking intentional steps towards it. You should be trying all the paths and knocking on all the doors, while constantly asking God to lead you where He deems best. Yes, singleness is a time to serve and grow in your walk with God in special ways, and that should be a priority. But singleness is also a time of preparation - a time to become the type of woman that the man you want to marry is looking for, and a time to be on the look out for that man. If you really desire to be married one day, you should prioritize praying for it, looking for it, and preparing for it.
As you seek God's guidance and pursue marriage with a surrendered attitude, He will either open or close the doors. If you're desiring to be married but still find yourself single, don't let it be because you aren't trying any doors. Let it be because you've tried them all, and God has clearly directed you elsewhere. You don't want to look back on your single life and realize that there were doors you could have tried opening for marriage, but you didn't. Don't let your singleness be your "fault." Let it be a result of God's clear and proven direction in your life, not a result of your complacency.
If you're seeking God with your whole heart, and He opens all the doors for you to get married, then you know marriage was His will for you. If you're seeking God with your whole heart, trying all the doors for marriage, and nothing is opening for you, then you can rest knowing that marriage is not God's best for you right now, and He's given you a different blessing.
Single woman, if you want to be married, here's what I recommend you do:
Seek God with your whole heart. Walk with Him daily. Ask for His direction. Desire Him and His will above all.
Try all the doors for marriage. Meet people! Become marriage material! Go on dates! Learn about how men communicate and operate!
Leave the results up to God. Be willing to accept where He leads you, whether singleness or marriage, and know that wherever He guides you is best.
And single sister, remember that God knows what will fulfill you better than you do. Hold your dreams with open hands, even as you seek to have them come true. Trust His direction even when it's not the path you hoped for.
Now you're probably wondering... "How do I go about pursuing marriage when I don't know any good guys, I'm not comfortable interacting with men I find attractive, and I don't want to do online dating??"
Sis, I've created several incredible resources that will teach you how to do just that.
For help in learning to attract a guy and let him know you're interested without being too forward, watch my free masterclass.
For help in learning ways to meet men, how to communicate and interact with them, and how to lean into your feminine so that you can attract a masculine man, get my book or my course.
I'm rooting for you!!
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