What is the balance between actively trying to find a relationship, and letting God open the doors?
This question has landed in my inbox many times. Ladies want to know what they can do to help marriage happen in their life, but they don't want to be out of God's will. They want to find a relationship, but they aren't sure if they're allowed to go looking for it, or if they need to wait for God to drop one in their lap.
Pursuing a relationship/marriage is just like anything else you would pursue as a Christian. For example, if you wanted to go to college, you wouldn't fold your hands and do nothing about it. You wouldn't wait for God to "open the door" by having the college mail you an acceptance letter before you even apply. That would be crazy!
Instead you would be praying for God's guidance and direction - desiring to be in the center of His will whether that is school or not - and you would start knocking on the doors that could lead down the path to college. For example: You would study hard and try to get a good grade on the SAT. You would research what colleges you'd like to attend and start sending out applications. You would start applying for scholarships or looking for a job to pay for tuition. You might apply for student loans. You would be praying all throughout the process that God would lead you where He wants you to be. And eventually, you would see God open or close the doors for college by how things fell into place to get you there.
The same model applies to pursuing a godly relationship and marriage. You do what you can to attract and to meet the type of guys who would make good husbands. And all the while, you ask the Lord for His perfect will, and to bring a godly husband into your life. For example: You pray for God's guidance. You ask Him to cross your path with a good guy. You might start putting yourself in places where good men are: conferences, mixers, churches, worship nights, online forums.... you might try online dating or asking friends to set you up. You might start reading books about understanding men, or practicing being more open and friendly in social settings so that it's easier to meet and talk to guys. You might start putting more effort into your appearance to be attractive - trying out new makeup looks or hairstyles, or losing a few pounds. You would be knocking on the doors and watching to see if God will open them or not.
Rather than trying to "balance" your part with God's part, just do your part and watch for His direction. He promised to lead you if you acknowledge Him in all your ways. He knows what's best for you. He will open the right doors, and keep the right doors closed. Many of us have experienced a "talking phase" or a crush with someone that didn't end up going anywhere, or we've had a guy ghost us, or we dated someone that ended in a break up and we couldn't understand why. These are all signs of God closing the doors and redirecting you from something that wasn't going to be best for you. He leads when we ask Him to! And sis, you can trust that the God of the universe will not lead you wrong! So keep praying, keep knocking, and as you knock, trust His answer and be ready to surrender to where He leads.
P.S. If you could use some more ideas on how to "knock on doors" and pursue a relationship as a biblical woman, you really need my course, Becoming Marriage Material!