Marriage Did Not Cure My Discontentment

I knew it before, but I really know it now. Marriage is not satisfying. Only Jesus is.

Marriage is proving to be what I thought it would be: a new classroom in which to learn old lessons. Each day is a fresh course in "True Satisfaction 101." I learn all over again how desperately my soul needs Jesus, and how pitifully short even a wonderful marriage falls of filling me up and making me happy.

If there's only one thing I've learned in marriage so far, it's something I already knew going into it, but easily forget: the only thing that can make me happy is delighting myself in the Lord. I already knew this to be true, but if I'm being honest, it shocked me how quickly I fell into the trap of expecting my husband to play the role that only Jesus can.

As it turns out, I am alarmingly capable of having the exact same feelings of discontent in marriage as I did in singleness. I have felt the very same pit in my stomach, that same empty feeling in my heart, and that exact gnawing soul-hunger. When I was single, I mistakenly thought that these were symptoms of my lack of a husband or romance. But now that I have a wonderful husband and romance, I no longer have an excuse to hide behind.

The truth is that my struggle with singleness was never really about singleness. My struggle was with my flesh: I believed it when it told me that I needed something - anything - besides a deeper walk with Jesus in order to silence the gnawing inside.

We humans are pathetic creatures, aren't we? We know what will fill that void in our souls. We know why we have the pit in our stomachs. Yet we tell ourselves that the longing is our heart screaming out for romance or sex or some other thing, and we push down that still small voice quietly whispering the real Answer. Why do we pursue everything except God to fill the void?

Because, our flesh would rather numb itself with the social media scroll, the chic flick binge, the novel, the busyness, the friends, the noise, the food, the boy, the anything other than the spiritual work it takes to delight in God. Delighting in the Lord requires humbling ourselves, confessing who we are, taking up our cross, denying ourselves, and pursuing God with our whole hearts - and that just doesn't sound as inviting as what the flesh and the devil would rather distract us with.

As a result, we're miserable. Our souls starve. And rather than blame ourselves, we often blame God. We refuse to go to the nourishment He's provided in the Bible and prayer, yet we blame Him for our hunger, shaking our fist and exclaiming, "I wouldn't be struggling if you would just give me a husband and children!" We ignore the Well in front of us, longing for the mirage in the distance.

“We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” - C.S Lewis

We can be as satisfied and filled and fed as we want to be. We choose to be miserable in the flesh when we know we could be joyfully surrendered in the Spirit. It's our own fault if we live in a soul-starved state of wantonness, wandering, and emptiness.

Because of Jesus, we need not live a single day unfulfilled. But it's up to us to delight ourselves in the Lord. It's up to use to actually pursue enough time in His Word and in secret prayer each day to be satisfied. It's our job not just to check it off our list but to actually seek Him with our whole hearts. Sister, break up with your flesh. Tell it no, it can't control you anymore. Delight yourself in the Lord.

Disclaimer: I use the words “satisfaction” and “fulfilled” etc. in ultimate terms. I’m saying that ULTIMATELY, nothing can fulfill me but Christ. Yes, marriage, food, friends, work etc bring certain levels of fulfillment to my life. But they cannot be the ultimate source of my happiness. I find that the more full I am with Jesus, the more the things He’s given me bring joy/fulfillment. But the less I am delighting in Him, the more empty the good things He’s given me become. This post is also in no way implying that I don’t have a happy marriage or a wonderful husband. The feelings of discontent are just a result of my own sinful heart. :)