"Why are there so many unmarried people nowadays?"
"How is she still single?! She's so pretty!!"
"He's 40 and not married? Must be a reason..."
There are so many possible reasons why a person who wants to be married is still single, but all of them can be boiled down into three main categories. You are either:
Single because there's a problem with you.
Single because you're experiencing the negative effects of living in a fallen world.
Or, it has nothing to do with either of those and God just wants you single right now for a specific and good reason.
It could be that God wants you to remain single right now because He knows it's how you can best experience His love and companionship. It could be that He is allowing you to remain single because He wants you to know the joy of having Him alone as your Head, Provider and Protector. It could be that God has you single because He has a special work for you to accomplish or a special lesson for you to learn that you could not if you were married. God knows what you need and what will help you grow more like Him, and maybe singleness is what is necessary for that right now.
But on the other hand, it could be that He is not "keeping" you single at all. It's possible that you are just suffering the sad effects of a fallen world, a culture that has turned it's back on God, and a generation where many men are lukewarm, passive, and porn-addicted. When sin entered the world, God's good design became tarnished. Single women experience the effects of a broken design as they struggle to find a godly man. It's possible that you are single simply because you live in an evil world that falls very short of perfection.
There is one more possibility: you could be keeping yourself from getting married. This would be a result of you not taking seriously the responsibility to become wife material. If you want to get married, you are responsible for becoming the type of woman that your ideal man would want to marry. God isn't going to make some guy be attracted to you. It's up to you to put effort into your appearance. It's up to you to maintain a healthy weight, to put on some makeup and do your hair, to learn what styles look most flattering on your body type, etc. God is also not likely to bring your future husband to your doorstep. It's up to you to be in settings where you can be seen and pursued by men. It's up to you to be open, friendly and communicative so that guys know you're interested and/or easy to converse with. If you aren't doing your part to attract a guy, then don't blame your unmarried state on God or a lack of good guys. Good men are out there and many of them are struggling just as much as single women are to find a good person to marry. Put yourself where you can be found and dress in a way that's appealing!
No matter what category you fall in, these truths should give you hope. Either God in His love for you is keeping you single for a very good and blessed purpose, and you can trust Him in that. Or, you have some things about yourself that need work in order to attract a man, and you can take ownership of those areas and grow with the Lord's help. Or, there is nothing wrong with you at all, and you're simply experiencing the consequences of Adam and Eve's sin. Your singleness is a poignant reminder that this world is not your home. But even in this you can have hope. For your life down here is fleeting, while the bliss of heaven will be eternal.
Beyond that, you have a Beloved who can satisfy your soul and give you fullness of joy every day of your life. And He is so kind that He has redeemed singleness and made it good. He has given it great purpose and favor. So even if your singleness is a result of a fallen world, it doesn't mean it's not still a good gift. God is an expert at taking what was meant for bad and working it out for good.
Sweet sister, no matter what the reason for your unwanted singleness, take hope in God’s ability to help you, satisfy you and guide you, and in His promise to take you to a perfect home one day. 🫶🏼
Do you have an idea of which category you fall into? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
P.S. If you're ready to take responsibility for your part in becoming marriage material and learn how to be a satisfied single while meeting men and practicing openness, you need to get my course!
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