Sometimes the ache for a relationship feels like desperately missing someone you don't even know yet. At the end of the day, when there's nothing else to be distracted by, that's when it seems to come: longing and loneliness press down on the heart like an invisible weight. A sadness from somewhere deep within comes over us... the missing of someone we've never met. Or, maybe we have met them, but they're inaccessible to us. Do you know the feeling? As a single woman I experienced this many times. I've also experienced it often as a married woman, only now I know the one I'm missing.
Sister, how are we to respond in these moments? I'm going to share with you three things that help me when longing feels unbearable. But first, remember this: It is a good thing to grieve what pains you deeply. It's a good thing to express the feelings of your heart to the One Who gave you the ability to feel. And it's in those moments of heavy loneliness, of grieving what is not or what might have been, that we have the opportunity to find Jesus in a deeper, sweeter way than ever before. Don't be afraid to feel your emotions, to name what they are, and to express what you're feeling to the Lord. "Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us." Psalm 62:8
When a wave of sorrow hits you, remember this: God is in the wave with you. He feels your pain. He is not standing aloof, indifferent to what you're experiencing. He is "touched by the feelings of your infirmities," for He knows exactly how you feel and He loves you. When Jesus saw Mary weeping over the death of her brother, He wept with her - even though He knew that in just a few moments, He would bring her brother back to life! When you hurt, God hurts with you. "Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him." Psalm 103:13
Sister, grieve with God, not against Him.
Let Him sit with you and comfort you. He can't do that if you're blaming Him. It's not His fault that you're experiencing this sorrow, it's a result of the sin and brokenness of this world. God's perfect design for His creation didn't include suffering, but because of the fall, we have to experience it at times. Bring all the hurt, loneliness, longing and sorrow, everything you're feeling, and "pour out your heart before Him." He wants you to tell Him everything, and He wants to bear your burdens for you. Take whatever is burdening you and hand it to Him.
Tell God about your longings.
When Paul was longing to get out of prison and be with the Philippians, he told them "For God is my record, how greatly I long after you all..." Philippians 1:8. It seems Paul had talked to God about his desire so much, that God was his "record" of how greatly he longed for them. This also reminds me of the Psalmist's words in Psalm 38:9 “Lord, all my desire is before thee; and my groaning is not hid from thee.” Whenever my desire for a husband would burden my heart, I would pray that verse: “Lord, all my desire is before thee.” It was my way of taking that longing to the Lord and asking Him to bring it to pass, while also reminding myself that He knows, He sees, He cares, and He has my best interest at heart. Sister, don’t just brood over what you desire, talk to God about it.
Make a sacrifice of thanksgiving.
In the very moments of sorrow, when tears hit your pillow and the ache sears down like a hot iron on your heart... right there is the place to build an altar, and offer up a sacrifice of thanksgiving. Thank the Lord for what is true despite your situation and despite what you feel. Here are some that I often thank Him for:
God, I thank you that you are touched by my grief, that your heart hurts with mine.
Thank you that I am never truly alone, because you promised never to leave me or forsake me.
Thank you that you came and walked the road of ultimate suffering, loneliness, betrayal and sorrow alone, so that I might never have to face my sorrows alone.
Thank you that you will provide everything I need, down to the tiniest detail.
Thank you for loving me more than I can comprehend, and that I can trust You with my life and future.
When you offer up thanksgiving in the place where it’s hardest to do so, God is glorified, and He is near. I challenge you to offer a sacrifice of praise/thanksgiving next time the weight of longing is on your heart, and see if it doesn’t lift the heavy iron of grief just a bit....enough for you to be able to roll over, close your eyes and sleep in peace.
These reminders are the same ones I give myself whenever I'm aching. And by the time I finish telling God about my feelings, casting my cares on Him, letting Him comfort me, thanking and praising Him for what I know to be true.... the weight has always lifted from my heart. The hurt might still be there, but I'm no longer bearing it myself. God bears it for me. Sister, I know He will do the same for you.
