The holidays often feel like salt in a single woman's wounds.
We've all gotten the comments from well-meaning family members:
"Don't you have a boyfriend yet?"
And we all face the glorification of romance everywhere we turn.
Music. Movies. All seems to say "Christmas is magical because I have a significant other! And if I didn't, it would be a sad Christmas."
It can be especially trying when siblings have started relationships and their significant others are now attending family gatherings and traditions.
Not only do they have what you want at this time of year, but the family dynamics are changing. And change is hard.
Even just the sight of happy couples shopping for gifts, or young families watching the holiday parade, can sting like salt in a single woman's wounds.
Whatever is in your heart, the holiday season will take a magnifying glass to it.
A friend put it this way:
"My least favorite is how it magnifies all the things you are already struggling with. Loneliness? Grief? Sadness? Stress? Yes, all of it will be 10x more noticeable at Christmas."
One Christmas season, I had just started seriously getting to know a young man that I thought could be "the one." In the excitement of texting, FaceTime calls, and talk of him coming to visit, Christmas became more magical. Suddenly every twinkle light became brighter, every song became about him and me, and every spare thought became filled with dreams of what we would do together while we inevitably fell in love during the wonder of the season.
But almost as quickly as my exuberance rose, disappointment crushed my spirits. He called me one Sunday afternoon to say that he didn't feel peace about continuing to get to know me, and he wouldn't be coming to visit after all. The ginormous twinkling Christmas tree I was sitting next to suddenly seemed to lose it's sparkle. That happy "Christmas spirit" I had been enjoying faded from my body as my heart hit the floor.
As much as the holiday season had magnified my hope and happiness, it now magnified my disappointment and discouragement, and the battle for joy began. Actually, it was a battle for my magnifying glass. We all have one. It's also known as our thought life.
Our thoughts magnify whatever is in our hearts, and what we choose to put under the magnifying glass gets bigger. If you choose to dwell on thoughts of discouragement, thoughts of what you don't have, thoughts of self-pity, fear, entitlement, sadness or worry - those feelings will grow exponentially, and those thoughts will multiply until they take over your soul and distort your view of the world.
The Christian life is a battle for who will control the magnifying glass: the flesh or the spirit. The flesh wants to behold earthly things, the spirit wants to behold and magnify heavenly things. Whichever wins this battle will determine whether we live our days with joy, peace, and victory, or with discouragement, envy and fear.
Mary said, "My soul doth magnify the Lord." (Luke 1:46)
Her magnifying glass could have been on many other things: fears of the future, the enormous weight and stress of bringing God's Son into the world, the anxiety of what people would think of her, the worry of how Joseph would react, or the sadness she might have felt for this disruption in her life plans. But instead, her magnifying glass was on her glorious Lord and his wondrous grace to her. Can you say the same this holiday season?
When your flesh grabs hold of your magnifying glass and tries to take you down the spiral of negative thoughts, will you tell it no, take it back, and place the magnifier over thoughts of your wonderful Lord? Mary magnified the Lord, and as a result, her spirit rejoiced in God her Savior. Your spirit can rejoice too, if you magnify Him. No matter what pain, fears, or struggles are in your heart this Christmas, you can rejoice in God your Savior by exalting and beholding Him in your heart and mind.
Do what Mary did, and dwell on what He has done for you. "He hath regarded the low estate of his handmaiden." (Luke 1:48) The God who carved out a place in the earth for the oceans, and told the raging waters that they could not go past their bounds - He looked on you, a lowly sinner, with love and compassion. He wraps the sea with darkness as if with a "swaddling-band," or a baby blanket. The fearsome and uncontrollable force of the sea is so small to Him, it's as if it were an infant that He clothes with clouds. This God is so powerful and so holy, He could end the world tomorrow if He wanted to. He could stop the sun from rising and stop our lungs from breathing and give up on our wicked generation of humanity forever. But instead, "He that is mighty hath done to me great things; and holy is His name." (Luke 1:49) Instead, God Almighty gave Himself to die for you, draws you to Himself, desires relationship with you, gives you a purpose for life, and walks with you through every joy and sorrow you face.
He is your Emmanuel: God with us. The great and terrible God who rules the seas and holds everything together with His Word is yours, and you are His. An awesome and holy God loves you with an everlasting love. This is the magic of Christmas.
When you magnify Him in your heart and mind, the lights will sparkle brighter. The difficult family gatherings will feel less daunting. The little every day blessings in your life will seem much more significant. And you may even find yourself able to rejoice with those who have what you desire. All because you will be much more consciously aware that He is with you, and He loves you, and He is worthy of your trust. Whatever you magnify gets bigger, so make sure you magnify the Lord.
Have you felt the battle in your soul for who will control the magnifying glass? What helps you to keep your heart and mind beholding the Lord and His goodness? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
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