Before I was forced to break off my engagement (because the red flags were finally too blatant to ignore anymore), I knew in my gut there some things about him that weren't right. But my womanly nature combined with infatuation made me push down the warning signs and act as if they didn't exist.
We women tend to be very forgiving creatures, especially when it comes to a man that we’re attracted to. Even when that man isn’t treating us well or acting as he should, we still want to believe the best about him. We see his potential and what he could be, and we desire nothing more than to be the angel by his side, guiding him to the right path and to better manhood.
We also have a nurturing/helper instinct, which is a beautiful God-given thing when directed toward the right person. But it can manifest in an unhealthy way when we believe that we can fix or help a guy into who he’s supposed to be. Sis, you cannot do that. Only God can.
The Bible says that for a young man to “cleanse his way” (become the man he needs to be) he must take heed to God’s Word. It does not say that he should cleanse his way by taking heed to the girl who adores him. “Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy word.” Psalm 119:9
Our womanly nature is magical when we’re with a good man. Our support of him, grace toward him, and belief in him will inspire him to become even more of who God wants Him to be! But our help will not pull a man out of bad behavior. It will not cleanse his way. It will not fix or change him into who he ought to be. Ladies, we enhance and inspire men, we don’t change them.
Sis, you know in your gut if you’re with a man who needs to cleanse his way. You know he’s not treating you right. You know he shouldn’t still be watching porn. You know he should be taking more responsibility in his life and have more of a work ethic. You know he ought to treat his authority with more respect, and ought to seek wisdom and instruction. In your gut, you know he’s not yet marriage material. But in your heart, you’re hoping you can change him.
If this is you, it’s time to let the truth that you know in your head inform and guide your heart. You can’t do God’s job for Him. It’s up to Him to change this man and cleanse his way. It’s up to this man to take heed to God’s Word and overcome what he needs to overcome. You staying in this relationship is not helping him do that, in fact it’s probably hindering him from getting there.
It’s time to admit that what you really want is a man who will lead you, defend you, cherish you, and conquer the world with you...not a man that you have to drag along through life, holding your breath for the next pitfall he’s going to fall into and make you suffer there with him. His muscles, moments of sweetness, winks, words, and tears are not worth it. You’ll come to resent them one day.
Let God do His work on that man, and let God lead you to a man that is better and more worthy of your womanly love and support. It will hurt now to break it off, but not nearly as much as it will hurt down the road if you stay with a man who hasn’t cleansed his way.
Thank you for sharing! It is easy for us women to believe that we alone can change him, and want to believe the best in him, even if the sirens are blazing. Thank God for intuition and the Holy Spirit to guide us, that his ways are higher than our ways ( Isaiah 55).
Thank you again for sharing this truth!
Wow wow wow !
No doubt you are talking to me GOD, on Monday I broke up with him, I told my best friend there is something in my gut that tells me no. and of course I went up there and gave him the opportunity to share and everything felt strange to me, I felt insecure anxious, I felt in danger , no doubt I had a divine protection sending me all the alerts, I was still there trusting praying but then I said that is the man you want to lead your family? It hurts of course because of his muscles, you don't know how I became infatuated with his arms, yes his muscles and so what? where…
Amen to Psalm 119:9 and listening/following intently to the Holy Spirit 🥹🤍 He knows and sees much better than our own eyes can